Marriage

I think about my blog a lot. I’m not well established yet and I wonder if I ever will be. I could write a lot about things that won’t ever matter and I’m sure some people wouldn’t mind, but that’s not what I want. I want to write about things that are meaningful and I want to write about things that are real. It might not be the prettiest or most fun writings all of the time, and if that’s wrong – I don’t really care.

Marriage is something I’m new at. 2 whole months new at. That doesn’t mean I’ve never thought about marriage before those two months, but I haven’t had a good taste of it until it was really real. Marriage is never going to be easy. No matter how well you get along with someone or how many good days you have compared to bad days. Just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful or it isn’t worth it, so please don’t take my words for something they’re not. Like I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll mention again, my husband is the light of my life. He truly is my best friend and there’s not a single thing in the world I would trade him for. I know I’m lucky, and I think knowing you’re lucky and being lucky are two completely different ball parks. Being lucky is something people aren’t aware of. Knowing that I am lucky and blessed gives me a lot to work towards because lord knows I’m not perfect, and I’m sure my husband knows it too even if he would never admit it. As much as I try and as much as I wish I could be the perfect wife, I know that’s not necessarily the most logical goal to set my sights on, but I could be better. Daily I catch myself wondering how I could’ve gone about something differently or how I could do a better job at making sure my husband not only knows he’s loved – but feels he’s loved.

Disagreements and misunderstandings are what they are, and I hate them. I know they’re going to happen and I know they’re going to cause heat, but I want to be better at recognizing it before it goes too far, and I want to be better at letting it go or turning the situation around. My mind gets lost and sometimes I don’t even realize I’m in the middle of the confusion  and when I do end up realizing  it I get frustrated because it doesn’t make sense to me. I’ll be the first to admit that that only makes it worse. I went on a walk to get out of the house, get some air, and to write this. The whole time I just kind of hoped I would see him walking to meet up with me, but my mind gets lost in stupid romantical stuff but that’s okay.

I’m going to be better.

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