I Didn’t Want To Talk About This

There are many reasons why I don’t want to talk about being married to someone in the military. People who don’t understand, can’t separate their idea of what a “military wife” is and what a “wife” is. The problem is that there’s no fucking difference. There are people with different motives, but that stands true for any marriage. There doesn’t need to be a classification of “— wife” and if you are a woman who puts yourself in that bubble  only to reap whatever benefits you think comes from marrying into the military , then I think that’s pretty pathetic. Every marriage, no matter where your husband is or what your husband does for work , is going to have problems – struggles – and difficult choices. Each marriage is different in it’s own way and it irritates me so badly when women who marry into the military think they’re untouchable or better than every other woman on the planet when in most cases, not a lot of them contribute to their marriage, they cause a shit ton of drama and pain for other women on base and most importantly for their husband, and are all around in it for the wrong reasons. There is a woman my husband told me about who PUBLICLY bashes her husband on facebook for being in the military. Saying how if she knew how hard it would be , she never would have married him. For one, how hurtful – two, why would you put that out there for everyone to see? – three, why don’t you leave if it’s sooooooo hard ? Marriage is hard. Life is hard. You either work with it if you find it worth it, or you don’t. Being a complaining sack of shit is going to get you no where.

Work hard, be faithful, be honest, be focused – or don’t be married. You are a wife, you are someone’s best friend, you could be a mother – and nothing could be a better reward than being loving towards your friends and family and being successful in your own way. Don’t make yourself a minority.

And on to the next portion of this. With all of the women who unfortunately fall into the category I just explained – it is so hard to find anyone I trust or get along with. I feel like when I go home I have to stay inside because if I see anyone they don’t say hi, they don’t smile… they just stare and go back into their homes. Even at the commissary or the bx….  nothing but judging stares. Maybe they’re hesitant for the same reasons I am. Maybe they’re territorial and look at me as someone who doesn’t fit in. I don’t know,  but I don’t like it. I imagined it being a lot different. I imagined having one or two really close friends . Ones that would could come over and just hang out. Talk to me on a real level. Not judge me. Go on walks with – go shopping with. It doesn’t matter . I just don’t want someone to be a stuck up fake judging ass hole to me or only talk to me when they feel like it and then never talk to me again because they need some sort of drama in their life. I don’t see why people have to make things a lot more difficult than they need to be. I just want to accept and enjoy my life for what it is or else I’d be the one wasting it and that’s my own fault.

This is a stupid rant,  but I had to get it out there.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. I did the same thing. Left Texas to go to the hell hole they call Spokane, Washington! We were there from 2007-2011 and I left with a lot of great friends! One in particular that now lives in California but whom I see at a minimum twice a year! Now we’re in Oklahoma- close(r) to family, but my greatest support comes from another spouse! Each assignment will be different with good and bad. Just hold onto those good ones and you’ll never regret it! I promise! 🙂


    1. Bourn Belle says:

      So funny , I’m from Washington ! And yikes Spokane! It’s definitely a learning curve, but you’re right – just gotta take it for what it is and grab onto the good things. I love reading your blog by the way! I’m pregnant with my first and I enjoy reading real down to earth mom stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Congratulations!!! That adds an entire new level to the learning curve! 🙂


  2. Not sure how long you have been around the military lifestyle but you sound SO much like I did (and still do sometimes) 6-8 years ago! It gets better! The best friends I have are from my military wife experience. Hang in there, and great post! I felt every word!


    1. Bourn Belle says:

      I am still fairly new to all of this , but it’s nice to have someone respond who gets it ! I think I’ve taken it a little harder because I uprooted my entire life to now be where I am away from all of my family and friends, and besides my husband, I don’t necessarily enjoy my environment. But I’m going to try and volunteer and try to make friends that way, or at least see if there’s some sort of outlet. Thanks again for responding !


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